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Tributes - Fil Gelfuso

February 9, 1944 - October 28, 2003

by Tricia McMahon

Fil Gelfuso will be greatly missed by friends, family and everyone at HERS.

The staff and volunteers here have been blessed to know Fil, and to share in the joy she brought to life, and to those all around her.

Back in June 2001, the HERS Board of Directors knew we wanted to ask Fil to be Co-chair of our event, along with Bernie Dutra, but we were hesitant because her health was fragile even then. How blessed we have been that Fil not only said a resounding "Yes!" to being co-chair, but that her husband Tony volunteered to be Master of Ceremonies. What a dynamic duo!

In addition, they volunteered their time, care and expertise as Board members for two years. Fil's creativity and passion were a perfect fit for helping us grow as a community organization reaching out to women and loved ones facing breast cancer.

Thank you Fil for your effervescent love and goodness for HERS, and for everyone you encountered. We miss you already.
 

Above: Women of Courage and Strength release their doves at the 2003 KEEP ABREAST Walk.

[left to right]: Loretta (friend of Fil), Gayleen (Fil's sister), Tricia, Fil, Joanne (Fil's sister), and Bernie

Tribute to Fil

November 3, 2003
Written and presented by Husband Tony

I'll never forget the first time I met Fil. I had given her brother, Jim, a ride home while I was in San Francisco. At the house I met Jim's father who asked me to come inside. While I was being introduced to his mom and several members of the family, I noticed someone coming down the stairs. "Hi! I'm Fil," she said, giving me the greatest smile I had ever seen. Honestly, it was love at first sight. I asked her out to go bowling, dated her, and we were married six months later.

All of us here tonight remember her smile.  She was so gracious to everyone she met. Family, friends, co-workers, and even people who first met Fil commented on how comfortable she made them feel. During our marriage our lives were blessed with two great sons, Mark and Brian, who were Fil's pride and joy. She taught them well with her love and courage, her faith in God, and her patience in dealing with others. I could not have gotten through these last two weeks without their strength and support.

Fil had that artistic gift that could turn a rock into a beautiful work of art. She turned our house into a home filled with precious mementos of her craft. Holidays and special events seemed to energize she and her club friends in creating numerous artifacts for any occasion.

Fil was definitely the strong one of the family.  Her courage and strength took over when she was first diagnosed with cancer. The disease spread so quickly that it metastasized from her breast into her liver. Initially she was given two to four months to live. I cried my eyes out but she took hold of my hand and comforted me telling me that we were going to fight this thing and she is not going to lie around waiting to die.  For almost three years with weekly visits of chemotherapy and then radiation, her doctors were amazed at her progress. Our family had great hope that she was going to beat this dreaded illness. Her sisters and friends threw her a hat and tea party due to the fact that she was losing her beautiful hair. Fil handled her hair loss with dignity and humor always joking about her crazy hats, caps, or even some of the wigs that made her look like Harpo Marx.

Those three last years of fighting cancer brought Fil and I closer to each other than any other time in our marriage. We never left each other's side. We laughed more, hugged and kissed more, and literally smelled the flowers each and every morning. Watching her go through treatment after treatment, never complaining, was an inspiration to all of us. She was in pain, especially the last three weeks of her life. She never let on that she was hurting because Fil did not want us to worry.  She always cared about others before herself. She did not want us to suffer her pain.

Fil had a deep faith in God. Her relatives always called her their "Little Angel" due to her sweet disposition. She prayed to her guardian angel every night and morning for support and courage to get through the day. All of you will note her favorite prayer is on the prayer card that was on the table when you arrived. While she was sick, it was amazing the number of angel statues that friends brought over to look after her. Even the mortuary chapel's name is Chapel of the Angels. Just as in life while guarding her family, now in death will Fil continue to be our guardian angel.

Fil was named after the patron saint and early Christian martyr, Saint Filomena. But a number of years ago, the catholic church researched their records to find that several so-called saints never existed. One of those names was Filomena. I used to tease her that her namesake was no saint at all. I discovered throughout our marriage how wrong I was. Fil is my saint. She is my strength to carry on her legacy of love and compassion toward others. I want all of you to know that we can now pray to a real Saint Filomena for courage to fight our daily battles. She has been truly an inspiration.  Fil and her contagious smile will always be with us. We all have been blessed by having had her in our lives.